Avoid these 3 common mistakes when asking for a promotion, says INSEAD negotiation professor

Asking for a promotion can feel daunting and negotiation can be tricky — but learning how to navigate the process is important.

People often approach negotiations with the wrong mindset, said Horacio Falcão, INSEAD professor, negotiation expert, author, serial entrepreneur, and designer of INSEAD's "The Negotiation Course for the World," a free course on negotiations launched in November.

Instead of approaching a negotiation thinking you have the right solution and your goal is to "ram it through" to the other person, it's more beneficial to learn how to actually become a better negotiator, he said.

"For you to become a better negotiator, to some extent, you have to become a better person," he said. "You need to become more emotionally intelligent ... more patient [and] more prepared. You need to have more empathy for people."

Here are three common mistakes to avoid when negotiating for a promotion, according to Falcão.

The first thing to know about asking for a promotion is that "you should not have been waiting for the yearly review to [ask for the promotion]," said Falcão.

"A lot of people make mistakes in negotiations because they go too fast," he said. "One of the things that I tell my students a lot is 'baby step' yourself."

Earning a promotion requires trust, which takes time to build, says Falcão. Rather than waiting for their annual review to roll around to ask for a promotion, employees should bring up the conversation long before they plan to do so.

"You should be in closer touch with your supervisor, and on a more regular basis, be it by inviting them for a coffee, or having one on one [meetings]," he said.

These regular conversations not only allow you to ask questions and collect feedback so you can self-correct throughout the year, but also help you build a stronger relationship with your boss. In addition, the conversations present an opportunity for the employee to verbalize their goals at the company.

Falcão suggests saying something along the lines of: "I am very excited. I would like to grow quickly. I'm willing to put the effort in, the energy, the time necessary to become the next person up [for promotion] in my group or cohort. What do I need to do?"

Taking this time to voice your hunger to grow, while demonstrating your ability to follow through on a plan over the year can demonstrate to a company that you have leadership potential, he said.

Negotiations can be stressful — you may not always know what to say.

"If people say something to you, and you find yourself short of words, this is your brain's way of saying you have nothing good to say. Stop, and ask a question instead," said Falcão.

Here are three helpful questions to ask during a negotiation.

1. "How did you come up with that number?"

Figures presented in a job offer should be backed up.

"Numbers tend to be black boxes that are usually the output of ... a formula," Falcão said. "But the number alone means nothing."

If someone presents you with a number or a position, they should also be able to back it up, he said.

2. "Why would you do this if you were me?"

Asking this question can facilitate more understanding in the conversation.

For example, if employees are presented with an offer that they aren't happy with, they may find out that the employer doesn't have a good answer to the question.

On the other hand, "information asymmetry is a big thing in negotiation," he said, so the employer could disclose more information about how they structure offers or about the company's budgets, which can ultimately provide more context and help the employee make a more informed decision.

3. "How are we doing?"

Negotiations can get drawn out, so it can be beneficial to have a break from the conversation and take a pulse check.

Falcão suggests this: "If you think you've been there for a while [and] things are a little bit disconnected or emotions are starting to get out of center, ask: 'How are we doing?'"

Ultimately, the deal offered will be the result of how well the negotiation is going, so it is important to create an environment for the conversation to go well, he said.

Negotiations, unlike many other aspects of work, should not have an idea of success that is too clearly defined, said Falcão.

"Negotiation is messy. It's about people constructing a reality together," he said. "Thinking that there is one winner and one loser in a negotiation is a very common mistake that people make because at the end of the day, the final destination might be somewhere in between both camps."

One of the best skills to have is being able to listen and show you are willing to work with the other side. Ultimately, it's about arriving at a "win-win situation."

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